I Am An Artist

I am an artist.

If you want to assume that I’m a ‘visionary,’ I guess you wouldn’t be too far off.

You probably wouldn’t recognize me, if you saw me. I’ve never been very noticeable.

I’ve never won any awards or prizes for my work, never even made Best in Show, even if it’s my best work. I’ve never understood why, but I always just told myself, “next time. Next time, I’ll make it.”

Oh, don’t get me wrong. It’s frustrating, especially when you’ve put so much time and effort into a piece that you’re sure will catch the judge’s eye.

Yet there’s always someone to one-up you.

I have goals. Respectable ones, if I say so myself. I want to be an art teacher. God knows that traditional art is starting to fade. I want to make an impact on people. To help them find their own voice and see that they can make something beautiful out of a world that growing more and more disgusting every day.

I want to own a studio gallery. I want to teach people in a place I’m free to be me, and to sell not just my artwork, but other people’s artwork as well.

I don’t have very many friends. Plenty of acquaintances, though. It’s easy to smile and talk to someone for a short amount of time every day, but it’s hard to get close to another person when you’re so guarded. Being hurt so often as a child makes you wary of others.

I like watching people—in fact, my favorite subject to paint and draw is the human figure. It’s so fascinating, how different people are, how much they can change, how much they can express with a few gestures and facial expressions. It’s beautiful and at the same time, it can be so disturbing.

Sometimes I wonder if I should even bother trying anymore. What’s the point? If no one has noticed by now, then who ever will? I could try and try and try some more, but will it ever be worth it in the end?

It’s like talking to someone, when you think about it. Art, I mean. You’re not saying something verbally, with words. You’re speaking through paint or graphite or charcoal or whatever medium you like. You’re expressing yourself and you’re making a statement. I don’t think I’ve really found my voice yet. Not yet. I’ve whispered and nudged, but I haven’t fully spoken out yet.

What’s the statement I’m truly wanting to make?

I’d like to make a point to help people. But how do I do that?

I’d like to change the world for better. But what’s one more voice to the growing mass of crying martyrs?

I read stories and watch the news, hearing stories about so many things going wrong in society. Why can’t they ever highlight the right?

If I can make a point in showing people hope and goodness, could that make a difference?

Does it even matter anymore?

I am an artist, a visionary and a human being.

And I have more questions for the world that has no answers.